The Enduring Tradition: Exploring Afghan Marital Customs And Women's Identity

In Afghanistan, women are not typically addressed or referred to by their names in public. Instead, they are often referred to as the wife of, mother of, or daughter of a man. This custom is rooted in Afghan tribal culture, with some believing that naming a woman in public dishonours her. However, there is a growing movement of women activists campaigning for the right to reveal their names and be addressed by them in public. This movement, known as #WhereIsMyName, aims to challenge the centuries-old tradition and spread awareness about women's right to identity. While it has gained significant support, including from Afghan celebrities and scholars, it has also faced opposition from conservative members of society.

Afghan women are not addressed by their names in public

This practice is rooted in Afghan customs and tribal culture rather than Islam, the dominant religion in the country. It is a symbol of women's second-class status in society, where decisions about their education and marriage are left to the men of the family.

The custom has led to Afghan women being denied a basic right of identity and being stripped of their individuality. They are identified by their relationship to men and are only known by their roles as mothers, wives, or daughters.

However, there is a growing movement of Afghan women who are campaigning to change this tradition and reclaim their names and public identity. The #WhereIsMyName campaign, started by a group of young Afghan women, is challenging the centuries-old tradition and seeking to spread awareness about the right to identity. The movement has gained significant support from Afghan celebrities, authors, journalists, musicians, and scholars, and has received widespread attention on local news channels.

Despite the growing support for the movement, there is still strong opposition from conservative members of Afghan society, including some women. Some believe that maintaining peace within the family should be the priority, while others accuse the campaigners of wanting to become Westernised and promiscuous.

The Afghan government also seems reluctant to make changes. While there have been some efforts to include women's names on official documents such as birth certificates and ID cards, these changes are not mandatory and the default practice remains to exclude women's names.

The issue of Afghan women not being addressed by their names in public is a complex one, with deep roots in the country's culture and history. It highlights the ongoing struggle for women's rights and equality in Afghanistan.

Afghan women are identified by their relationship to men

Afghan women are often identified by their relationship to men, rather than by their own names. This is due to the country's patriarchal and conservative culture, which deems it inappropriate to refer to women by their first names. Instead, they are often referred to as the "mother of", "wife of", or "daughter of" a man. This custom is rooted in Afghan tribal culture, and a man can lose honour if his wife is known by her name.

However, there is a growing movement of Afghan women campaigning for the right to use their names freely. The #WhereIsMyName campaign, which began in 2017, aims to challenge men in Afghanistan to say their mother, sister, or wife's name publicly. The campaign also encourages women to reclaim their names and identities, which are often reduced to their relationships with men.

While Afghan culture is highly patriarchal, with strict gender roles and expectations, there are signs of change. Since the fall of the Taliban, women have gradually made gains in areas such as schooling. Additionally, some Afghan men have supported the #WhereIsMyName campaign, and the government is considering amending the country's Population Registration Act to allow women to have their names on their children's ID cards and birth certificates.

Afghan naming conventions also differ from Western ones. Traditionally, Afghans only have a first name or personal name, without a middle name or surname. When surnames are used, they usually represent one's tribal affiliation, place of origin, or ethnicity. In instances where surnames are used, children adopt their father's surname. While Afghan women do not typically take their husband's surname when they marry, some may do so in English-speaking societies to conform to Western naming standards.

Afghan women are campaigning for the right to reveal their names

However, some Afghan women are now campaigning to use their names freely, with the slogan "Where Is My Name?". The campaign began three years ago when Laleh Osmany realised she was fed up with women being denied what she thought was a "basic right". The movement began in Herat, a town in western Afghanistan, and quickly spread thanks to wider access to the internet in the country. The goal of the campaign is simple: to challenge men in Afghanistan to publicly say their mother, sister, or wife's name, and to encourage women to reclaim their names so they aren't just reduced to their relationships with men.

The campaign has received support from Afghan celebrities, including the singer and music producer Farhad Darya and the singer-songwriter Aryana Sayeed. Darya said: "When we refer to women by their roles, their original and real identity gets lost. When men deny women's identities, over time women themselves begin to censor their own identity."

Despite the support, the campaign has also received criticism and backlash. Some have accused the campaign of "misleading Afghan women" and trying to turn them into Westerners. Others have even called the activists "prostitutes". Campaigners also fear that their efforts may face strong opposition from conservative members of parliament.

Nevertheless, the campaign appears to have taken a big step forward in recent weeks. A source close to Afghan President Ashraf Ghani said he had instructed the Afghanistan Central Civil Registration Authority to look into the possibility of amending the country's Population Registration Act to allow women to have their names on their children's ID cards and birth certificates.

Afghan women are not expected to be financially independent

In Afghanistan, women are not expected to be financially independent. This is due to the country's patriarchal culture, where gender roles are rigidly defined. Afghan women are expected to be homemakers and are often restricted to the domestic realm, with limited access to education, employment, and other opportunities to generate income.

Traditionally, Afghan women are not referred to by their names in public. Instead, they are called "Mother of X" or "Wife of X," reflecting their relationship to the men in their families. This practice is rooted in the belief that naming a woman in public dishonours her and her family. This cultural norm also extends to official documents, such as wedding invitations, birth certificates, and gravestones, where women's names are often omitted.

However, it is important to note that there are exceptions and variations within Afghanistan. In some urban areas, women may have more freedom and access to education or employment opportunities. Additionally, there have been campaigns, such as #WhereIsMyName, led by activists and supported by celebrities, to challenge these traditional norms and advocate for women's rights to identity and financial independence. These efforts have led to some changes, such as the inclusion of mothers' names on birth certificates and efforts to amend laws to allow women's names on their children's ID cards.

Despite these advancements, Afghan women still face significant challenges in achieving financial independence. The country's economic situation, lack of educational opportunities, and persistent gender inequalities continue to create barriers for women seeking economic empowerment.

Afghan women are expected to be obedient to their fathers, brothers and husbands

Afghan women are expected to be obedient to their fathers, brothers, and husbands. This is because Afghan culture is highly patriarchal and collectivist, with a strict age-based hierarchy. The eldest male typically has the most authority and decision-making power, controlling all family spending and requiring every decision to be approved by him. Afghan households are usually large and multigenerational, with adult children living with their parents or in-laws for life. Women are expected to move in with their husband's family when they marry, and it is rare for married couples to have their own home.

Women are largely in charge of domestic chores, cooking, raising children, and entertaining guests. They are also expected to be modest and obedient to their fathers, brothers, and husbands. They are often forbidden from leaving the house alone and must be accompanied by a male relative when they do. This is based on the religious belief that a woman should not be available to anyone but her family. In public, women are expected to be completely shielded from view, usually by a burqa, chador, or niqab.

Women are also expected to be obedient to their husbands in the sense that they are not allowed to adopt their own surnames upon marriage. Afghan women do not traditionally adopt their husband's surnames; instead, children take their father's surname. However, some women may adopt their husband's surname in English-speaking societies to conform with Western naming standards.

Women's obedience to their male relatives is so important that any breach of these expectations of social seclusion is seen as extremely shameful for the woman and her family. An independent woman who is not quickly submissive to her husband's rules is seen as particularly dangerous. Afghan men may see women as 'powerful' because they can damage family prestige through subtle, unconventional behaviours.

The consequences for disobedience can be severe. In one instance, a woman was beaten by her husband for revealing her name to a doctor. In another, a woman who attended a women's rights march was kicked and threatened with death by Taliban gunmen, and then beaten by her father for defying his orders against attending the protest.

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