The Complex Reality Of Polygamy In Afghanistan

In Afghanistan, polygamy is legal, and men are permitted to take up to four wives, as outlined in the Qur'an. While polygamy is not universally practised or approved of by Afghan men, it is becoming increasingly common. This is due, in part, to the surplus of marriageable women caused by decades of conflict in the country. Men who can afford to support multiple wives may do so, provided they can prove they are able to economically support all of their wives and any children they may have. While the first wife has the ability to approve her husband's second marriage, in reality, many women have no choice but to accept their husband's decision, as divorce can result in the loss of financial support, family status, and even custody of their children.

Reasons for polygamy

Afghanistan is an Islamic Republic under Sharia Law, which allows for polygyny. Afghan men can take up to four wives, as long as they can financially support them and treat them equally. While polygamy is not universally approved by all Afghan men, there are several reasons why it exists and persists.

Historical and Cultural Context

Polygamy has been practised for thousands of years across different cultures and regions. In some cultures, it was a way to increase wealth, political alliances, or social status. In others, it was a way of ensuring the family line would continue in cases of a shortage of men.

Religious and Spiritual Reasons

Polygamy is accepted in some religious communities. In Islam, for example, polygyny is accepted as long as all wives are treated equally. In Hinduism, polygamy is permitted depending on the tradition and customs of a particular sect. In some African and Native American cultures, polygamy is seen as a way of spiritual connection with ancestors and the afterlife.

Economic Factors

In some cases, men take on extra wives to increase their family's productivity, gain more labour, and maximise resources. In some cultures, having multiple wives is seen as a symbol of wealth and status, and men who can support multiple wives are often viewed as powerful and successful.

Social Status and Influence

Polygamy can be seen as a way to increase a man's social status and influence in a community. By having multiple wives, a man can acquire more land shares, property, wealth, and children.

Infertility

A common reason for a man to take another wife is the infertility of his current wife. Due to the stigma around divorce in Afghan society, polygamy is sometimes adopted as a solution to problems in a marriage.

Widow Remarriage

In some cases, widowed women are forced to remarry, and men are obligated to marry the widow of a male family member.

Women's consent in polygamy

Afghanistan is an Islamic republic under Sharia Law, which allows for polygyny. Afghan men can take up to four wives, as outlined in the Quran, the holy book of Islam. While the Quran states that a man can have a maximum of four wives, there is no limit to the number of concubines he can have. Concubines are considered unprotected and are expected to have a male guardian.

Although polygamy is legal in Afghanistan, it is not universally approved by Afghan men. Many men who can afford multiple wives prefer monogamous relationships due to the potential for domestic trouble. Disputes among women married to the same man are common and are the most prevalent reason for the disapproval of polygamy.

In Afghanistan, women are often forced to show consent to marrying married men due to various factors, such as the lack of centralization in the family, economic problems, and the death of a previous husband. Women are expected to live with their husband's family, and it is rare for married couples to have their own home. Women who live alone are frowned upon and are often dependent on their parents or relatives. As a result, unmarried women can be seen as a burden and are pressured to get married.

The civil law of Afghanistan stipulates that men must inform all their wives and prospective brides about each other. However, this law is often not followed, with 34% of men failing to disclose their marital status to their second wives. The first wife also has the right to approve her husband's second marriage, and she can separate from her husband if he marries another woman without her consent. Nevertheless, many women choose not to exercise this right due to the risk of losing custody of their children, financial support, and family status.

While polygamy is permitted under traditional interpretations of Islam, women's advocates have been lobbying for men to abandon the practice, arguing that it has no place in modern Afghan society. They attribute the rise in polygamy to the erosion of women's rights following the fall of Soviet occupation and the subsequent rise of the conservative Taliban regime.

In recent years, there have been efforts to protect women's rights and curb the practice of polygamy. In 2009, President Hamid Karzai issued the Elimination of Violence Against Women Act, which would have outlawed polygamy, but it was never ratified. Additionally, in May 2022, Supreme Leader Hibatullah Akhundzada issued a decree banning Taliban members from taking multiple wives.

Despite these efforts, polygamy remains a complex issue in Afghanistan, with deep roots in cultural, religious, and economic factors.

Gender roles in Afghanistan

Afghanistan is an Islamic republic under Sharia Law, which allows for polygyny. Afghan men can take up to four wives, as stated in the Quran, and an unspecified number of concubines. While a man must treat all his wives equally, these regulations are rarely followed.

The family is the most important aspect of life in Afghanistan, and Afghan culture is highly collectivistic, with people prioritizing family interests over their own. Family matters are kept strictly private, and women are slightly more likely to open up to other women about their personal lives. Households are generally large and multigenerational, with adult children often living with their parents or in-laws. Women usually move in with their husband's family when they marry.

Men dominate the public sphere, and women's authority is limited to the domestic realm. Women are expected to be obedient to their fathers, brothers, and husbands. They are rarely allowed to leave the house unless accompanied by a male relative and are usually shielded from the public eye with a burqa, chador, or niqab. This restriction is less strictly enforced in rural areas, as the burqa can hinder a woman's ability to work and contribute to the domestic economy.

Marriage is considered essential, and relationships are generally expected to lead to marriage. 'Dating' usually involves getting to know one's future spouse and occurs in the company of family members. Marriages are often arranged by parents, and a couple's attraction to each other is not always considered. Divorce is rare and stigmatized, and widowed or divorced women can easily become economically destitute if not taken in by their in-laws.

Despite these restrictions, women's roles are not limited to the domestic sphere. Women participate in agricultural work, produce handicrafts, and work in sectors like health, education, police, and the army. However, only about eight percent of the female population received an income as of 1978, and most of these women lived in urban centers.

The status and power of women increase as they progress from child to bride to mother to grandmother. A successful marriage with many sons is the principal goal of Afghan women, shared by Afghan men. Women's nurturing roles are crucial, and they are also responsible for disciplining and educating children.

While there have been efforts to improve women's rights in Afghanistan, such as the 2009 Elimination of Violence Against Women Act, these have faced resistance from conservative groups. For example, the 2013 Eliminating Violence Against Women Law was debated in Parliament, with conservative groups objecting to attempts to strengthen existing legislation.

Overall, gender roles in Afghanistan are strongly influenced by cultural and religious norms, with men expected to be the primary breadwinners and women taking on domestic and nurturing roles. While there have been some improvements in women's rights, traditional attitudes and practices continue to restrict women's participation in public life.

Marriage customs

Proposal and Acceptance

In traditional Afghan families, a proposal must be made by the groom and his family. The bride's family then indicates their acceptance by giving a "dismal" and "khimcha" to the groom's family. A dismal is a decorated cloth that signifies the arrival of a new family member, while a khimcha is a tray filled with sweets and toffees, decorated with flowers and ribbons. The sweets are distributed to all family members, symbolising the bond that has been formed. This occasion, called "Shirini Khori", derives its name from the Persian word "shirini", meaning sweets.

Pre-Wedding Ceremonies

Once the proposal is accepted, the bride receives gifts from her fiancé's family on special days and occasions. These include Iftar, a feast delivered during the month of Ramadan; Eidi, a gift given during both Eids of the year, including money, traditional cuisines, dresses, and other gifts; and Nowruz, the celebration of the new year, during which the bride receives gifts, sweets, and special seasonal cuisines. These occasions are celebrated with traditional tambourine music played by women and girls, who also sing traditional songs and popular Afghan songs.

Wedding Ceremonies

Afghan weddings are formal and extravagant affairs, lasting several days. The first day is usually dedicated to the "henna party", where the bride gathers with her female family members and friends. The groom's family provides the henna, carried by singing children to the bride's house. The groom also makes a brief appearance. On the wedding day, the bride visits the salon with her female family members, and they all dress up together. The wedding party then waits at the bride's father's home for the arrival of the groom's procession. The groom, seated on a horse decorated with embroidered cloth, is accompanied by his family members, musicians, and singers playing tambourines. Upon arrival, the men listen to a short sermon about marriage before escorting the groom into the bride's home.

Wedding Rituals

The wedding ceremony involves several rituals. The bride and groom sit together on a decorated sofa and participate in the "mirror and Quran" tradition. They are covered with a single shawl and given a mirror wrapped in cloth, along with a Quran placed on the table in front of them. In privacy, they unwrap the mirror and look at their reflection together for the first time as a married couple, then take turns reading verses from the Quran. Later, the couple cuts the wedding cake, which is then distributed to the guests. Towards the end of the party, a traditional Afghan dance is performed.

Post-Wedding Customs

At the end of the wedding party, a smaller procession accompanies the bride to her new home. An animal, usually a sheep or goat, is sacrificed upon her arrival, and she hammers a nail into the doorway to symbolise the strength of their marriage. A few days later, close friends and relatives bring housewarming gifts to the new bride. The celebrations continue for several days, with the bride's family bringing her breakfast or lunch, known as "nashtaye", on the morning after the wedding.

Polygamy

Polygamy, or the practice of having multiple wives, is permitted in Afghanistan, an Islamic republic under Sharia Law. Afghan men are allowed to have up to four wives, as stated in the Quran. However, the civil law of Afghanistan stipulates that men must inform all their wives and prospective brides about each other, and obtain approval from their first wife for subsequent marriages. While polygamy is not universally approved, it is often driven by economic factors, social norms, and the desire for male heirs.

The economic burden of polygamy

Polygamy, or polygyny, is legal in Afghanistan, with men allowed to take up to four wives, as stated in the Quran. However, this practice comes with economic implications and has been deemed a burden on development.

Firstly, polygamy can be costly for men. In Afghanistan, it is customary for the groom's family to pay a dowry, and the groom himself often has to provide additional expensive gifts to the bride's family. This can be a significant financial burden, especially for those who are less wealthy.

Secondly, polygamy can hinder economic development by reducing the number of women available for the workforce. In polygynous societies, women's labour force participation is often limited or prohibited, and their freedom is curtailed. This results in a loss of human capital and productivity for society as a whole.

Additionally, the practice of polygamy can increase intra-household conflict, particularly among co-wives. This conflict can create a ripple effect, leading to greater sibling rivalry and stress within the family.

Polygamy also has economic implications for women. In polygynous societies, women are often married off at a very young age, and their ability to choose their marriage partners is restricted. This limits their opportunities for education and employment, making them financially dependent on their husbands or fathers.

Furthermore, in polygamous marriages, resources are spread more thinly across a larger number of family members. This can result in resource dilution, with a greater number of adults and children being supported on a limited budget. The cost of child-rearing is higher in polygamous households, and children in these families are more likely to suffer from poor nutrition and health.

Lastly, polygamy can contribute to social problems and deadweight costs. Resources that could have been deployed for economic development are instead spent on correcting social ills and improving academic performance among children from polygamous families.

In conclusion, while polygamy may offer certain benefits to men in Afghanistan, it comes with significant economic burdens. These include financial costs for men, reduced female labour force participation, intra-household conflict, limited opportunities for women, resource dilution, higher child-rearing costs, and increased social problems.

Frequently asked questions