The Gentle Giant: Exploring Fatherhood In Afghanistan

Afghan fathers face many challenges, from cultural expectations that discourage female education to economic pressures that can lead to devastating decisions. However, there are also heartwarming stories of Afghan fathers going to great lengths to ensure their daughters receive an education. One such story is that of Mia Khan, who travels 12 kilometers each day on a motorcycle to take his three daughters to and from school. Khan, from a conservative region, made the unconventional decision to prioritize his daughters' education over his sons', understanding the importance of empowering them through knowledge. He hopes that his daughters will become doctors one day and is supported by his wife, who also works to financially support their family.

Afghan fathers' attitudes towards their daughters' education

Afghan culture is collectivist, with family being the most important aspect of life. People generally prioritise their family's interests over their own, and loyalty to one's family supersedes obligations to one's tribe or ethnicity. Family matters are kept strictly private, and community knowledge of a family's struggles can bring shame to the household.

Afghan households are generally large and multigenerational, with adult children often living with their parents or in-laws. Women usually move in with their husband's family when they marry, and it is rare for married couples to move out on their own due to economic circumstances. In 2010, the average household size in Afghanistan was reported to be 7-8 people.

Afghan culture is patriarchal, with a traditional age hierarchy prevailing throughout. The eldest male has the most authority and decision-making power, and every decision must be approved by the husband or father. Men are seen as the main income earners, while women are expected to be homemakers. Husbands are expected to provide for their wives and children throughout their lives, and it is generally believed that women do not need to be financially independent.

However, there are some signs that attitudes towards women's education are changing. A study by Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that in Afghanistan's most underdeveloped regions, attitudes towards education and child marriage have shifted significantly since the overthrow of the Taliban government in 2002. The study included interviews with nearly 1,400 Afghans aged 12-15 and their parents in relatively poor rural districts. The responses indicated that, in just one generation, getting married and leaving school have become much less favoured options. Most boys and girls indicated that they considered education valuable, not just for themselves but also for the opposite sex. The parents, though they mostly had no formal education themselves, were also unanimous in indicating that they expected their children—both boys and girls—to complete at least high school.

Fathers were more likely to advocate for their daughters to postpone marriage until after high school than mothers. These current parental attitudes indicate a shift from when the parents were teenagers themselves.

Despite these positive shifts, traditional beliefs and socio-cultural norms continue to affect school-going students, especially girls. An estimated 3.7 million children are out of school in Afghanistan, and 60 per cent of them are girls, according to the United Nations. Sustained conflicts for more than three decades are the fundamental reason for a crippled education system in the country.

However, there are some inspiring stories of Afghan fathers who recognise the value of education and are determined to provide their daughters with opportunities. For example, Mia Khan, a 63-year-old resident of Sharana in Paktika province, walks his daughters 12 kilometres every day to the nearest school. A school will be constructed in South-Eastern Afghanistan in his honour, announced the Afghanistan government.

Afghan fathers' involvement in their sons' lives

Afghan culture is collectivist, with family being the most important aspect of life. The family unit is patriarchal, with the eldest male having the most authority and decision-making power. Men are seen as the main income earners, while women are expected to be homemakers.

Fathers in Afghanistan are expected to financially support their families, which can include their parents or in-laws, their wife, and their children. They are also expected to protect their family's honour and discipline any misbehaviour.

While family matters are kept private, Afghan fathers are generally expected to raise brave sons who can survive in a harsh and crazy world. Fathers are also responsible for teaching their sons about gender equality, as Afghan women and girls are often forbidden from pursuing a formal education.

In some cases, Afghan fathers may allow their daughters to dress as boys so that they can enjoy the same freedoms as their male relatives. However, this practice, known as "bacha posh", usually ends when girls reach puberty. At that point, girls are expected to cover themselves from head to toe in a burqa and be accompanied by a male relative when appearing in public.

Some Afghan fathers are more progressive and support their daughters' education and participation in public life. For example, Mia Khan, from a conservative region of Afghanistan, travels 12 kilometres every day to take his three daughters to school and waits four hours outside the school to bring them home safely. Khan hopes that his daughters will become doctors and support him financially in the future.

Overall, while Afghan fathers may face economic challenges and societal expectations that limit their involvement in their sons' lives, there are also examples of fathers who are actively involved in their sons' education and well-being.

Afghan fathers' relationships with their wives

Afghan culture is very collectivist, with family being the most important aspect of life. People generally put their family's interests before their own, and loyalty to one's family supersedes any obligations to one's tribe or ethnicity. In this traditional, patriarchal society, the eldest male has the most authority and decision-making power, and every decision has to be approved by the husband or father. Men are the main income earners, and women are the homemakers. Husbands are expected to provide for their wives and children throughout their lives, and it is believed that a woman does not need to be financially independent.

In this context, Afghan fathers' relationships with their wives are marked by male authority and female subservience. The husband or father is the ultimate decision-maker, and his wife is expected to be obedient and modest. While women are in charge of domestic chores, cooking, and raising the children, they are also expected to cater to the needs of their husbands and entertain guests properly.

Afghan households are generally large and multigenerational, with adult children often living with their parents or in-laws throughout their lives. It is customary for women to move in with their husband's family at marriage, and it is rare for married couples to move out into their own homes due to economic circumstances. In extended family households, three or four generations may live together in walled compounds, with each couple having their own room but sharing a courtyard.

While gender roles are highly patriarchal and rigidly defined, there are some instances where Afghan fathers have pushed back against conservative beliefs. For example, some fathers have supported their daughters' education, even going against cultural norms and opposition from other family members. However, this is not the norm, and many Afghan girls still face barriers to education, including safety concerns, a lack of schools, and a lack of teachers.

In terms of marriage, it is common for parents to arrange their children's marriages, and a couple's attraction to each other is not always considered important. Marriages are often seen as a merging of two families, and strong consideration is given to the prospective spouse's status, network, wealth, and family background. Polygamy is legal if the man can prove he can financially support multiple wives, but it is less common in modern-day Afghanistan.

Divorce is rare and stigmatized, and female widows and divorcees can easily become economically destitute if not supported by their in-laws. Unfortunately, domestic violence is also prevalent, and women are routinely disrespected and abused for giving birth to daughters, as sons are valued more in conservative Afghan tradition.

Afghan fathers' views on gender roles

Cultural and Religious Influences

Afghanistan's cultural norms and Islamic teachings significantly shape gender roles and relationships. While Islam emphasises equality, justice, and community service for both genders, conservative interpretations of religious texts have been used to justify restrictive practices for women. Afghan fathers, as guardians of family honour, often feel responsible for upholding these traditional values and protecting their female family members.

Patriarchal Structures

Afghan society is predominantly patriarchal, with well-defined gender roles. Fathers and husbands are typically considered the primary breadwinners, shouldering the economic burden of supporting the entire family. This responsibility often extends beyond the nuclear family to include parents or in-laws living in the same household. Consequently, men are generally viewed as disciplinarians and decision-makers, with the eldest male usually having the final say in family matters.

Women's Roles and Restrictions

Afghan women, on the other hand, are typically expected to manage domestic chores, child-rearing, and hospitality. While some progressive families may support female education and participation in public life, many Afghan fathers adhere to traditional beliefs that women should be primarily homemakers. This often results in limitations on women's mobility, requiring them to be accompanied by male relatives in public and adhering to strict dress codes. These restrictions are often justified by the need to protect women's morality and family honour.

Son Preference

Afghanistan's strong son preference further shapes gender dynamics. Families often pressure fathers to produce male heirs, and the birth of a son is celebrated, while daughters may be considered a burden. In some cases, this preference leads to the practice of "bacha posh," where families dress a young daughter as a boy to elevate their social standing and gain the freedoms typically afforded to boys. However, this practice is generally viewed as a temporary solution and not a challenge to the underlying gender inequality.

Impact of Education and Urbanisation

Education and urbanisation have influenced Afghan fathers' perspectives on gender roles. Urban fathers are more likely to support their daughters' education and participation in the workforce, recognising the benefits of gender equality. Additionally, urban settings may provide more opportunities for interaction between the genders, challenging traditional gender segregation.

In summary, Afghan fathers' views on gender roles are shaped by a complex interplay of cultural, religious, and societal factors. While traditional patriarchal structures and gender segregation persist, there are also indications of evolving attitudes, particularly in urban areas, where fathers may embrace more progressive ideas about women's roles and rights.

Afghan fathers' expectations of their children

Afghan fathers have high expectations of their children, especially when it comes to preserving the family honour and adhering to traditional gender roles.

In Afghanistan, the family is the most important aspect of life, and people generally put their family's interests before their own. Loyalty to one's family supersedes any obligations to one's tribe or ethnicity. Family matters are kept strictly private, and community knowledge of a family's struggles can bring shame upon the household.

Afghan households are typically large and multigenerational, with adult children often living with their parents or in-laws throughout their lives. Economic circumstances also play a role, as it is rare for married couples to move out into their own homes. The average household size in Afghanistan was reported to be 7-8 people in 2010.

Within the family, a traditional patriarchal hierarchy prevails, with the eldest male having the most authority and decision-making power. Every decision must be approved by the father or husband, who also controls the family's finances. Men are expected to be the primary breadwinners, often having to support their wives, children, and extended family members.

Girls and women face additional challenges due to traditional gender norms and expectations. In the past, Afghan fathers often opposed the education of their daughters, believing that a woman does not need to be financially independent as her husband or father will provide for her. However, there are signs that attitudes are slowly changing, with some fathers recognising the value of education for their daughters. For example, Mia Khan, a father from a conservative region of Afghanistan, travels 12 kilometres every day to take his three daughters to school and waits four hours outside their school to bring them home safely.

Another expectation of Afghan fathers is for their children to uphold the family's honour. This is particularly important for girls and women, as a breach of social norms, such as interacting with men outside the family or not adhering to strict dress codes, can bring intense shame upon the family. In extreme cases, daughters may even be sold or bartered into marriage to settle debts or to feed the family.

Afghan fathers also expect their children to show reverence and deference to their parents and elders. Disobedience is considered extremely disrespectful and punishable behaviour. Even as adults, children are expected to respect their parents' wishes and take their advice. Corporal punishment is commonly used as a form of discipline, although attitudes towards this are slowly changing, with some fathers recognising the harm it can cause.

Overall, Afghan fathers have high expectations of their children, especially when it comes to preserving the family honour, adhering to traditional gender roles, and showing respect and deference to elders. While there are signs of gradual progress, particularly in terms of girls' education, deep-rooted cultural norms and economic challenges continue to shape the expectations of Afghan fathers.

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