The Silent Struggle: Infertility's Impact On Afghan Marriages

Infertility in Afghanistan is a highly stigmatised issue, with women bearing the brunt of societal norms and expectations. Infertility or childlessness is considered a taboo in Afghan society, and women are almost always blamed for it. Women are often viewed as meaningless or inferior if they cannot bear children, and their education, career, and marriage are seen as meaningless. Infertile women may face abuse, be deprived of their inheritance, ostracised, or have their marriage terminated. They are also pressured to conceive soon after marriage, with those who fail to do so facing negative attitudes and abuse from their families and communities.

The pressure to conceive and bear children falls disproportionately on women, with men rarely blamed for infertility issues. Men are also able to take on additional wives to have children without checking their own fertility, as it is assumed that the problem lies with the woman.

The prevalence of child marriage in Afghanistan further exacerbates the issue of infertility, as young girls' bodies are often not developed enough for childbirth, resulting in emotional, mental, and physical trauma for both the girl and her child. Child brides also face limited future employment opportunities, perpetuating the cycle of poverty and lack of access to healthcare and family planning resources.

The lack of access to education and family planning services, as well as the prevalence of gender inequality and cultural norms that prioritise women's roles as mothers, all contribute to the impact of infertility on marriages in Afghanistan.

The societal pressure to conceive soon after marriage

In Afghanistan, societal pressure to conceive soon after marriage is immense. Women are expected to have children to validate their worth, and those who are unable to do so face ostracism, abuse, and even the termination of their marriages. This pressure is so great that some women plan their weddings around their ovulation cycles to maximise their chances of becoming pregnant.

Infertility is often seen as the fault of the woman, and men may take a second or third wife to bear them children. Women are blamed and shamed for their infertility, and their inability to conceive is openly discussed within their communities. This constant scrutiny adds to the emotional distress that infertile women in Afghanistan already experience.

The pressure to conceive soon after marriage also affects women's education and career prospects. Women are expected to quit their jobs or drop out of school to focus on starting a family. This further isolates them and limits their independence, as they are deprived of the opportunity to develop economically valuable skills and build a career.

The pressure to conceive also has financial implications for women. Prenatal and postnatal care, as well as safe birthing services, are often inaccessible due to transportation costs and the need to purchase medications and supplies. Infertile women who wish to access fertility treatments face even higher costs, as these procedures are rarely covered by government health services.

The stigma surrounding childlessness in Afghanistan is so strong that it can even lead to domestic violence. Women may be subjected to verbal and physical abuse by their husbands and in-laws if they are unable to bear children. This abuse compounds the emotional distress that these women are already experiencing, further isolating them and negatively impacting their mental health.

Overall, the pressure to conceive soon after marriage in Afghanistan has far-reaching consequences for women's social standing, education, careers, finances, and mental health. Those who are unable to conceive face ostracism, abuse, and the constant scrutiny of their communities.

The taboo surrounding infertility and childlessness

Infertility or childlessness in Afghan society is considered a taboo, and women are almost always blamed for it. In fact, often, people only take the woman to the doctor when problems with infertility arise. Sometimes, men marry a second or third wife to have children, without checking their own health, because it is assumed that the problem must be with the woman. Conceiving soon after marriage is highly glorified in Afghan society. Women continuously quit their jobs or drop out of schools because of societal pressure to prove they are able to have babies soon after marriage.

A young woman planned her wedding during her ovulation cycle to ensure she got pregnant soon after her wedding. Sadly, four years have passed, and she is still childless. Her husband does not love her the way he used to. Her in-laws are considerably unhappy with her and tend to be verbally and physically abusive. The abuse and negative attitudes she receives from people around her only compound her emotional grieving process.

She had to beg her husband to get himself tested because Afghan men firmly believe that it is always the woman with fertility problems. In Afghanistan, when a man has reproductive system issues, the family will do anything to sweep the story under the rug. But when a woman can’t conceive, the story is discussed everywhere, in her presence and absence. Moreover, the husband gets all the sympathy from the family members for marrying a barren woman. Shockingly enough, his family members openly discuss the prospect of finding him a second wife.

Her story is not an exception. In many parts of Afghanistan, infertile women are abused in their homes, deprived of their inheritance, sent back to their parents, ostracized, or have their marriage terminated. Not being able to conceive puts a couple through a lot of stress—mentally, financially, and emotionally. It makes it even more painful for the woman when her infertility is constantly discussed, when she is treated as inferior, and when her privilege as a wife and a daughter-in-law is taken away.

The stigmatisation and abuse of infertile women

Infertility or childlessness in Afghan society is considered a taboo, and women are almost always blamed for it. Infertile women are abused in their homes, deprived of their inheritance, sent back to their parents, ostracized, or have their marriage terminated. They are constantly reminded that their marriage has no meaning without children. Infertile women are also looked at with pity and their inability to conceive is openly discussed in their presence and absence.

Infertility puts a lot of stress on a couple—mentally, financially, and emotionally. It is even more painful for the woman when her infertility is constantly discussed, when she is treated as inferior, and when her privilege as a wife and daughter-in-law is taken away.

Infertile women are often abused in their homes. A young woman, who has been childless for four years, is verbally and physically abused by her in-laws. Her husband does not love her the way he used to. Moreover, his family openly discusses the prospect of finding him a second wife.

In many cases, men marry a second or third wife to have children, without checking their own health, because it is assumed that the problem must be with the woman. Women are often taken to the doctor only when problems with infertility arise.

Conceiving soon after marriage is highly glorified in Afghan society. Women continuously quit their jobs or drop out of school because of societal pressure to prove that they are able to have babies soon after marriage.

Infertility in Afghanistan is scary and traumatizing. Women experiencing infertility must bear the brunt of societal norms.

The role of education and career in a woman's worth

In Afghanistan, women's rights have fluctuated over time, depending on the ruling regime. Women's rights and education have been severely restricted under Taliban rule, with women being barred from most sectors of work and denied access to secondary and tertiary education.

However, some rural women prioritize peace, even if it means sacrificing some formal rights that they are currently unable to exercise. For these women, the continuation of war has been far more costly than for their urban counterparts, whose male relatives rarely bear the battlefield fighting risks.

On the other hand, educated urban women reject the possibility of another Taliban emirate and dream of a peace deal that would see the Taliban as a weak actor in negotiations, with limited political representation.

Despite the differing priorities of rural and urban women, both groups have been negatively impacted by the Taliban's restrictions on education and work. The lack of access to education and career opportunities inhibits women's ability to obtain sustainable economic opportunities, limiting their independence and subjecting them to poverty.

In recent years, there have been some efforts to improve women's access to education and career opportunities in Afghanistan. The country saw a tenfold increase in enrollment at all education levels from 2001 to 2018, with the number of girls in primary school increasing from almost zero in 2001 to 2.5 million in 2018. Additionally, the percentage of women in universities increased from 5,000 in 2001 to over 100,000 in 2021.

However, these gains have been unevenly distributed, with urban women benefiting far more than their rural counterparts. As of 2020, 21% of Afghan civil servants were women, with 16% in senior management positions, and 27% of members of parliament were women. In contrast, rural women often face barriers such as a lack of schools and conservative social norms that discourage education for girls.

The situation for Afghan women remains precarious, with the Taliban's return to power in 2021 resulting in severe restrictions on their rights and freedoms. The interim Taliban government has excluded women from positions of power and banned them from most sectors of work, with the Ministry of Women's Affairs being abolished.

Despite these challenges, Afghan women have demonstrated resilience and a strong desire for education and career advancement. It is crucial that the international community continues to support and advocate for the rights and opportunities of women in Afghanistan, recognizing the essential role they play in the country's development and progress.

The impact of infertility on a marriage's emotional dynamic

Infertility or childlessness in Afghan society is considered a taboo, and women are almost always blamed for it. Infertile women are abused in their homes, deprived of their inheritance, sent back to their parents, ostracized, or have their marriage terminated. Not being able to conceive puts a lot of stress on a couple—mentally, financially, and emotionally. It is even more painful for the woman when her infertility is constantly discussed, when she is treated as inferior, and when her privilege as a wife and daughter-in-law is taken away.

Infertility in marriage can lead to feelings of grief, self-doubt, and isolation for both partners. The emotional impact of infertility can be profound and far-reaching, affecting various aspects of a couple's life together. Here are some ways in which infertility can influence the emotional dynamics within a marriage:

• Emotional distress and grief: Infertility can trigger a range of emotions, including grief, sadness, anger, guilt, and shame. Couples may experience a sense of loss and grief, not only for the children they are unable to have but also for the future they had envisioned. This can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety, especially if they feel they have limited support or understanding from their family and friends.
• Stress and strain on the relationship: Infertility can put a significant strain on a marriage. The stress of dealing with infertility may lead to increased conflict, tension, and resentment between partners. Couples may struggle with difficult decisions, such as whether to pursue costly and invasive medical treatments or explore alternative options like adoption. These differences in opinion can create further distance and emotional turmoil within the relationship.
• Impact on self-esteem and body image: Infertility can affect an individual's sense of self-worth, particularly for women in Afghan society, who are expected to bear children to be considered valuable. Infertile women may feel inadequate, flawed, or like they have failed in their fundamental role as a woman. This can lead to low self-esteem, body image issues, and a sense of shame, especially if they are surrounded by friends and family members who are able to conceive.
• Social isolation and stigma: Infertile couples in Afghanistan often face social isolation and stigma. They may feel excluded from social gatherings or family events, especially those involving children. The constant reminders of their childlessness can lead to feelings of loneliness and alienation. The stigma associated with infertility can also affect their relationships with extended family members, who may blame one or both partners for their inability to conceive.
• Impact on intimacy and sexual relations: Infertility can create a sense of pressure and anxiety around sexual relations, which are often no longer spontaneous and enjoyable but instead scheduled and focused on conception. The emotional strain of infertility may also lead to a decrease in sexual desire and intimacy between partners.
• Uncertainty and fear about the future: Infertility can create a sense of uncertainty and fear about the future. Couples may worry about whether they will ever be able to have children and what their lives will look like if they remain childless. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression, especially as they see their peers starting families and achieving the milestones they desire.
• Impact on relationships with family and friends: Infertility can strain relationships with family and friends, particularly if they are unsupportive or insensitive to the couple's struggles. Infertile couples may feel judged, pitied, or excluded by those around them, further adding to their emotional distress. On the other hand, some couples may find support and comfort in their social network, which can help them cope with the emotional challenges of infertility.

Overall, infertility can have a profound impact on a marriage's emotional dynamic. It can lead to a range of emotions, including grief, anger, shame, and anxiety. It can strain the relationship between partners and affect their self-esteem, intimacy, and social interactions. Navigating infertility involves coping with loss, uncertainty, and social stigma. However, with support and understanding from family, friends, and the wider community, couples can find ways to manage the emotional challenges and strengthen their bond during this difficult time.

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